Comments on: Where the boys are

By: xxd

xxd — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 23:16:51 +0000

Interesting.
Here’s my 2c.
I’m a man. I have 2 children with my ex-wife. Therefore at least one woman (initially) thought I was attractive enough to have children with (let’s discount the others). I have a reasonable batting average if I try to chat up women in RL.

Now here’s the thing: while some of your guesses are correct for me (I had to laugh at some of them), others are just off the mark.

I play both a male and a female av. My female av is shorter than average height, has shortish hair, lots of tats and small breasts. I think my female av is super sexy looking. I have used my female av to engage in lesbian pixel sex with other avs for the sheer entertainment of it. Of the handful or so who have actually approached my somewhat hardcore looking female av by my reckoning, only one of them was really a woman by the way she talked. To be brutally frank about it, “she” (I *believe* she was a she) was way more stimulating than anyone else I met on SL but here’s the kicker: although I found “her” personality very attractive and had a really good time hanging out with her and engaging in dodgy lesbian pixel sex I felt I was somehow cheating her on the one hand and on the other hand I felt a bit queasy. What if the “she” actually turned out to be a man? Ick. No relationship required.

On the other hand, since it is just a game, I have allowed my av to be humped by other guys too. It has been interesting to see how my av is treated by other men. Having been married previously, I can also roleplay the role of a woman reasonably well. Some of the guys that try to hook up with me I think are genuinely nice guys who really are looking for a relationship, just they picked me instead.

When I use my male av I experience the same type of situation that any male gets (barring male supermodels or rockstars) when in a club: turn downs. Which is not to say I haven’t hooked up.

The main thing for me is this, however: it cannot be anything other than a game since I really don’t know anything about the person on the other side of the avatar and I want to know what the person looks like and behaves like in RL before *ever* having some kind of relationship.

On another point: it’s quite annoying sometimes, that (although lesbian sex is many men’s fantasy) once you successfully hook up with some female, it’s annoying that they instantly message you when they come online. Sometimes I want to do something else other than have sex!

By: SL’omeo… SL’omeo, Wherefore Art Thou?! «

SL’omeo… SL’omeo, Wherefore Art Thou?! « — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:57:05 +0000

[...] this theme over the last few weeks. From people wondering the same thing, to people answering the inevitable question, to people saying it much better than I ever could. But I’m weighing in with my perspective just [...]

By: CT Xue

CT Xue — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 03:41:43 +0000

Funny thing–my thoughts on what I wanted to reply with changed from the beginning of the article to the end, and again after reading the comments…very good points from all of you, thanks! So, I may think of something else to add later, since I’ve just misplaced most of my ideas in a matter of seconds o.O…
I wasn’t looking for someone in RL or in SL. That might make a slight difference as to my availability because I was not one of the ‘pixel-porn’ chasers as you call them I joined SL because that’s where all of my dear and close and fun online friends are. Also, I don’t give any more attention to *any* avatar based on their looks, and even less to those glam girls.
I admire the people whose RL personalities and looks shine through very closely in their online identities. Too much disappointment could be had if you’re looking for something in SL with RL possibilities to expand upon, when there’s great odds that it won’t be what exactly the same in your first life as it is in Second Life.
Many of us have met online through Plurk.com, and this year I had the pleasure of touring the US and meeting dozens of Second Lifers in person also. This experience has been priceless, and *all* my expectations were met because I was searching for my *friends* first and foremost.
If I was looking for an SL relationship, I need to know more of the RL person than most people care to disclose, which is why a lot of av’s are here in the first place–privacy from their first lives. Add to that the ‘guys playing girls’ statistics, and you can just about count me out as available. So it’s not my fault if it makes me hard to get in SL–it’s not a dating website, for pete’s sake
In a relationship, real feelings are involved–you can’t generate those from pixels. If I’m going to fall for someone, I better know who it is. I always grew tired of hearing that ‘friends first’ crap in the world of dating, but here it applies more then ever. If you want a relationship without real emotions, create an alternate account for yourself. Otherwise, you’d better be prepared to open up a little more than you’d expect if you want something that can last.
Thanks, and ‘cheers’ to all of my SL friends here!! I love you all!!

By: Alex

Alex — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 22:29:50 +0000

Thanks for reading and the kind words, Joonie. I know I wasn’t exactly keeping it simple, but I think I got to the point.

By: Joonie

Joonie — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:20:33 +0000

Wow….great post. I concur with TheDiva. After two SL relationships, being single in SL has been a challenge, but a good one. Sure, there are times I feel incredibly lonely, but not to the point of wanting to rush into another SL relationship.

After reading your stats, I definitely feel grateful for all the good men I’ve met in SL that are still some of my best friends there. Never thought about the odds of that happening or not.

Thanks for the post! Great read.

By: Alex

Alex — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 20:56:11 +0000

@Rosie: Kinda. What I’m saying for certain is the guys you want aren’t in SL in droves and passing you over for the glamazons.

By: Rosie Shark

Rosie Shark — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:36:55 +0000

Wow! Uh yea I scanned that Basically, you’re saying it’s not *me* right? Whew! What a relief!!

By: Alex

Alex — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 02:27:34 +0000

@Winter: Thanks for raising the point. And I agree–I certainly don’t intend to make judgments about anyone’s intelligence or taste, I intended only show that based on the assumptions of Alicia’s post that finding a partner of any real connection may be more difficult expected.

By: Winter Jefferson

Winter Jefferson — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 23:53:56 +0000

It’s a very interesting read, Alexander. Very well thought out, and I agree with almost all the points raised. One thing I do want to point out… is how do we know that these glamazon blingboobed women also aren’t very intelligent people in RL? No, stop laughing, I’m serious. Some people come to SL to leave all that they are in RL behind; for example someone in a high stress job may relish the opportunity to stop thinking and just FEEL. The fact that they give away their favours so easily doesn’t also mean that there is a chance to have a real connection on more than just a physical level. Just as it is in RL. Just because you dress elegantly, and cover up does not mean you have more validity and worth as a potential partner than these ladies. I’ll talk to and befriend anyone in SL if they show some spark of having a personality, regardless of how they have chosen to present their digital selves. And sometimes those ladies have revealed surprising depths.
Yes, mine current companion is one of the well thought out and tasteful ladies of SL. But I wouldn’t judge her if she were to morph into one of the stripper types over night. Because I know who she IS. I know that a few of the people reading this will be rolling their eyes and thinking “There goes Winter being lead around by his balls again” but I’ve thought this out and my point is that SLis about diversity. And all different lifestyles have validity here.

And - I have to laugh at Elusyve’s comment? Intimidating? *snort* And you look for a pulse in a partner, eh? No hope for us dead boys!

By: Alex

Alex — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:12:41 +0000

Thanks for reading, people, and thanks for the shoutouts.

And Wrath, you’re not just a statistic, you’re an outlier. But I’m not sure that’s better.