Hello, my name is Alex
Nov 27th, 2008 by Alex
When I arrived in Second Life about two years ago, the appeal of anonymity was immediate. My first impression was that since it was not “real,” I could do any unreal thing I desired. And I had buckets of desire.
I remember a couple of conversations with Myg about how it would be useful to have a public persona with an av attached to my first life, and an anonymous one. The public one might be used to promote my endeavors both in and out of SL, and the anonymous av I could use to explore things I might refrain from connecting with my off-line life (i.e. the idful urges of sex and violence). To this end, I created an alt account within days of joining. The anonymous av was Alexander Burgess. The name of my “public av” was Pierce Altamura.
Burgess
Predictably, I spent nearly all of my time as Alexander Burgess, and almost none as Altamura. In fact, Altamura only came in handy after I began collaborating with Myg on the Met a Stranger series, where he appeared as the stoic, would-be hero, Dr. Altamura.
Altamura
Alexander Burgess was a lot more fun. In that account I didn’t hold back at all. It seemed the perfect place to explore and roleplay all kinds of things I wouldn’t do in the physical world (unsafe sexual behavior, midnight harassment-and-interdiction raids on casino campers). But after a few short weeks, I noticed I didn’t actually want to do much while inhabiting that av that I wouldn’t do in my carbon-based body. That account quickly came to feel like the “real me.” It also didn’t hurt that everyone has always called me Alex, beginning with my parents in 1964.
I didn’t tell too many people in Second Life much about my life offline at first, being fairly protective of my “identity.” What I didn’t expect was how close I would start to feel to some people as I got to know them. I found myself telling them things about my life with much less reserve than I initially had—whether or not they wanted to share about their own lives off SL. I don’t need the reciprocation (though it’s nice when it happens), but rather need to feel more like me. Avoiding topics or holding back information about my life with people I want to really talk to—not just exchange witty banter with—seemed more and more absurd.
Yet, I resisted disclosure, out of habit and a vague apprehension that by being me I am somehow more vulnerable. I think: What if an employer Googles my name and sees something they don’t like—some rant full of passion and politics that I left on a blog because someone was wrong on the internet?
Well, what if? If I was denied job or friendship because of who I am, I don’t want to associate with those people anyway. When it comes right down to it, I try to behave everywhere as me. That’s the goal, at least. I’m not always successful, but I think that’s me, too.
Now, if I was a member of a marginalized group that is the target of discrimination, or some shameful hate group, I might have a real reason for anonymity. But, I’m not. I’m just another white male American. And in that role it’s kind of my strange duty to just be open and be who I am all around and advocate that no one should be denied rights or liberty based on opinion, gender, or sexuality. Which is the real fear I think for many people who don’t want to disclose.
I’m fascinated by people like Wagner James “Hamlet” Au, Vint Falken, and Myg, of course (just a few, there are many others) who move with greater ease than I through the veil separating meatspace from the metaverse. And I’m not just talking about the people with a first life pic in their profile, but people whose lives seem to graft virtuality onto Minkowski spacetime. So now, at least for a start, my 1st life tab is no longer blank. It felt stranger not to have it there.
“Alexander Burgess” became as much a part of my identity as the carbon-based Alex. The things I do in Second Life–dj, socialize, blog, build, get weird–are things I spend a large part of my recreational time engaged in, and with the addition of writing and playing music, are what I do wherever I am.
When I started this blog just a few weeks ago, I decided to blog more than just straight SL topics, pulling from whichever of my interests demanded blogging. As my second rezday approaches, I’m resolving to relax even more about who I am and what is important to me when it comes to information that might connect my SL friends with my meatspace person, and my non-SL friends with my Second Life.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Especially my friends and the people who push the boundaries. You make it all worthwhile.
Excellent post Alex! I too have struggled with the separation of my real life and my second life, and I just gave up trying a few months ago. Though, I do reserve special details about my life, such as my real life name and picture, for those that I feel have earned my trust. Perhaps in time this boundary will also be removed. I know that some people prefer to see me as the image I present in Second Life and require few real life details. I appreciate those individuals for being able to immerse themselves so completely in this virtual world. Unfortunately, I think I may just be too realistic to completely let go, or perhaps I just like my real life self too much to completely hide her away. Happy Thanksgiving to you, Myg and Mason!!!
Great post Alex. In fact SL is, for me, just a part of my life, like reading a book, watching tv or going out with friends. Though I don’t give my RL name or pic to everyone I meet, I have no problem in showing the atomic me to friends. In fact most of the people I know in SL have become really good friends in RL too
Happy Thanksgiving (a bit late but intention what counts right? *winks)
Now you’re forcing me to log in to go and look at your first life tab. Or where were those available online again? =))
Yeey! for coming out of the virtual closet. A bit.
@Daila: Yeah, it’s not a feeling like wanting to run naked through the streets… well maybe it is, but I think the core of the issue for me is a desire for completeness and a sense of connection to the universe. A totality of this is not likely possible, but striving for it is another matter.
@Winter: I got your comment before Thanksgiving Dinner, so it was right on time here, thanks.
@Vint: Thanks for being an inspiration. I may tackle some of the flickr challenges next.
Well this gives me a lot to consider. While I have given out a lot of RL information, I haven’t given out a lot of clues to my RL identity. That was originally because of work too. Now I care less about that stuff but I do worry that the more easily someone can find my RL identity the less obnoxious I can be so there’s giving up some freedom there. Ie; kicking campers in the head isn’t the same prospect if you think someone can figure out who you really are, because you know, some people on the internet are CRAZY. Not me, though.
I’m happy to see friends follow the path that’s best for them. You and Myg are both clearly comfortable with who you are, and where you are going, and that is what matters.
…but…
I’m going to be a tad selfish and share the feelings I always struggle with when people drift away down the spectrum from digital to atomic. Because I still remember my earliest days, and meeting a stranger on the streets of Topgol - Alexander Burgess.
I’ve been trying to find the words to express what I feel when a friend makes the shift, and I think I’ve found them. Not “don’t change”, because everyone does. Not “don’t go”, because we all do. If I had to sum it up I’d say…
“I love the people you are all becoming, but I miss the legends you were”
@Argent: I get what you’re saying, and have had that feeling myself. But the way I understand it now is that I am all those things and more. *We* are all those things–the one thing that is all–and you have to go in to get through. I say atoms or pixels–these are limitations of perception and I embrace any expression to see past them with greater acuity.
Longevity breeds
a generation of names
it’s so punishing to let go
to let go
and stay the same.
(Just was reminded of that)
[...] by the way, speaking of Alex, you should all go read his piece on identity. It’s rather good and makes you think. That is to say, it’s good if you like to [...]
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